Value

I've been sick this week. With a fever and a cough and achiness and all kinds of nonsense.

My general survival strategy for such times is denial. I really thought I could power through and trick my body into thinking it was fine. If I just took 20 minute power naps every now at then, drank lots of water, and continued to perform my normal duties, I'd get over it eventually.
Well today, my plan failed. I had tried to nap, but my fever was worse. I couldn't get warm, even snuggled under a cocoon of blankets.  I was right in the middle of sauteing apples for our apple dumplings when my fever spiked, and I was really warm, and I was having some major shivers (what's that, you say it's impossible to be hot and cold at the same time? False!), and my head was throbbing. I was just contemplating getting a chair to sit as I was cutting filo dough (is that pronounced feel-o? or file-o? I never know. I was homeschooled.) when Katie came back from her small group and graciously let me go back to bed.
But I couldn't sleep. I lay in bed and started crying. I was so mad that I was sick. I had just had a weekend off, all to myself, where I could rest, read, journal, walk, talk with my family, and all kinds of other things that are supposed to revive me. And while I was gone, my dorm staff had more work. And no sooner did I get back that I came down with a fever! I don't have time for this nonsense!
Not that I blame myself for being sick. But you know, actually? I do. I just had all this rest and I clearly failed to give my body something that it needed to ward off germs. And now I've crippled my entire dorm staff and put the whole dorm in danger of coming down with a fever. I felt useless and selfish.
So I was lying in bed crying, and then I was mad at myself for crying (because I was supposed to be sleeping and getting better, not crying like a spoiled baby). My Nexus dinged, indicating that I had an email or a facebook message. I picked up the tablet to mute it so I could sleep. But I looked at the facebook post. It was from my sister, and it said,
"You are wonderful and beautiful, and it is NOT your fault that you are sick."

I hadn't even told Amy that I was sick, much less that I couldn't forgive myself for letting that happen.
So I don't know what prompted her to say that. But you know, actually? I do.
It was Jesus telling me, "hey. I love you even when you're sick. And you're valuable even when you're useless."

Thanks, Jesus. And thanks, Amy.

ajr